In my coaching practice, I've been thinking a lot recently about limiting beliefs, the idea of our upper limit problem and how this fits with the identities we create for ourselves. As serendipity would have it, I was handed an experience to examine my own limiting beliefs.
I found myself in a position where I had no one to pick my son up from school. At the last minute, my neighbours messaged in to say they could do it, and they had clearly changed things around to be able to do so. I reacted strangely, twisting away from their offer, feeling awful for some unknown reason. This gave me the ideal situation to dive deep into the reflective practice I have developed as a coach, and use the tools coaching has given me to explore what was going on.
I've spent a long time recognising my strengths but the identity I have created for myself is so solid that I find it hard to accept the help I so desperately need. Why? My neighbours thought nothing of it. They easily sorted things and reached out. Why couldn't I take that hand?
I realised that the answer was simple - I am not sure I know who I am if I am detached from that identity. If I am not the lone-warrior survivor I have created, then who am I? It is better that I operate within an identity I know, even if it hurts me.
I have grown through adversity but I have started to confuse my circumstances with my strengths, and create an identity around what has happened to me rather than who I am.
With a twinge of horror, I realise that in creating this identity I am denying myself other realities that don't fit with that idea. Realities full of comfort, abundance and love. When the offer hasn't been so obvious, what have I unconsciously avoided? What opportunities have I missed?
The challenge I have set for myself is to step into spaces where I am not as comfortable in who I have created myself to be.
We need to celebrate our strengths; we need to know who we are, and be proud of what we can achieve. And we also need to challenge ourselves when this starts to limit who we become. When I think about it, letting people in is the stronger option and allows people who want to help the opportunity to do so.
What do you believe about yourself? Can you accept the possibilities for something different in your life? If you recognise this challenge, I'd love to hear how you are getting on. For myself, I am going to start by looking for that twisty, avoidant feeling. Maybe it will help me see what I am about to unconsciously give up.